01.27.10
I will be taking a break from this blog and transitioning my time over to my massage therapy blog: massageboulder.com/blog Here I will be logging posts at least monthly on a variety of health related and training topics. Please join me on Facebook and Twitter for the latest updates.
In good health-
jess
01.22.10
So it’s been a long time since I’ve posted. Abandoning a mission is not my style but honestly that last post about the Tibetan Museum was very difficult for me. I needed to walk away and let my emotions settle, I have revisited that post many times since writing it and found that instead of any settling I only experience an eruption of emotion when I read it. After several months it still feels the same and so now I truly understand that what I experienced that day and during that trip was in fact life changing.
I am different now. I hear it in my voice, I see it in my actions and I feel it in my heart. Since returning, I have been trying to strike the balance of living in this country of plenty without closing off my memories of India and of my Tibetan friends whose hearts are a part of mine now. It’s been a complete and total struggle to witness the disrespect, shallow woes and greed that exists in our everyday life. It’s been an education of surrendering my ego and channeling the compassion that we all possess deep within. It’s been recognizing my changes and embracing them. I am no longer the girl who needs to win the fight or have the last word. I am in fact a much bigger person now who has experienced a significant change in who she is. And the craziest thing about this change is that it was the powerfully subtle, I didn’t feel it happening, it crept in slowly and patiently. I realize now, that its here to stay.
So I need your help. I need help in softening the abrasion of our society. We need to help each other and we need to nurture 
our beautiful earth. Here’s what I ask, the next time you judge someone for running a red light or not following through with a promise, take a moment to feel where that judgment is coming from. The next time you go to flip someone off or call them a nasty name behind their back, take a moment to feel where that anger is coming from. And, the next time you feel the wanting of material, insignificant things or make a choice that is not for the better of the earth, feel where that want is coming from. Feel the judgment, the anger and the wants in your body; in your soul. Recognize their superficiality and reevaluate what your goal is. It your goal to lack compassion or to possess more things? Or is your goal to be a conscious part of this universe who respects all life? Make your decision, take a breath and let it go. You will be a better person for it.
12.05.09
Today is our last day in Dharamsala and there is so much that I haven’t recorded in my journal….. Dinner at Sonam and Karma’s house, marching alongside hundreds of monks in a candlelight vigil for the release of Dhondup Wangchen, our hike this morning on the Cora Trail, the story of the Panchen Lama, my day to day experiences with the beautiful people of India that have touched my heart forever and my deep, deep sadness that I feel for so many of my fellow Americans. Those people that live the life of greed and selfishness, those who feel that material goods warm their hearts and the terrible sadness that all of those things bring to one’s soul. There is just so much, so much I have to share, so many memories that will surely last a lifetime and so much love that I will be leaving here for the hearts of others.
But today, today was the day that I experienced the heaviest moments of my life. So much so that my physical strength was taken by the violence of others and my will to face reality was reduced to nothing. Today was the day that I visited the Tibetan Museum.
You see, all week we have talked with our refugee friends about their escapes from Tibet, their will to survive despite leaving loved ones behind and witnessing death and capture along the way. We have discussed stories of torture, self amputation, losing children to the darkness of night as they traveled in close packs of fear and despair. We have heard and seen the results of their bravery and although their belief of non-violence stands prevalent there is always a deep dispiritedness that I have seen in all my Tibetan friends. We have talked freely about their plight as if we were asking if they had a nice day at work. The casualty in which we speak is surreal.
The Tibetan Museum is the one place on my list that I had not visited but today was the right day for this. We walked in and signed our names to the register, I turned to enter the museum and noticed a sign on the wall asking all who visit not to speak, a silent respect is what they were asking for. I turned the corner and entered the first exhibit room, my breath was taken away and speaking was no longer an option. Life size black and white photos covered the walls, my eyes scanned them all and within seconds I was hit with the tragedy of a lifetime. Chinese officials shaking hands with the Dalai Lama, Chinese soldiers making friends with the Tibetans, wooing them and tricking them into friendship. Welcoming them into Lhasa, their capital city only to be stabbed with concealed weapons, shot in the back of the head when not looking and beaten to death for their committment to non-violence.
I read many stories on the museum walls today but there is one that will most certainly remain with me forever. 
I can’t go into detail because it is beyond comprehension really. It was the story of a nun who, during the invasion, took part in a candlelight vigil. She was captured and put in jail for 20+ years. During this time she was tortured daily and starved, she was denied basics rights of a human. But despite it all she never lost her faith in love, her faith in the world and her belief in the words of His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. To sum up stories like this are an injustice and I apologize to those whose lives I’m condensing but I know my heart is in the right place.
The invasion of Tibet began in 1949. Chinese occupation has resulted in the death of over one million Tibetans, the destruction of over 6,000 monasteries, nunneries and temples, and the imprisonment and torture of thousands of Tibetans. The basic freedoms of speech, religion, and assembly are strictly limited, and arbitrary arrests continue. There are currently hundreds of political prisoners in Tibet, enduring a commonplace punishment of torture. To this day, the United Nations and international community have done very little to address the core issue of China’s illegal occupation of Tibet.
The tear stained pages of this journal shall forever remind me of this terribly real experience - it was so difficult to move 
through the museum, I tried to be strong but I failed. As I write this entry, I sob, my heart hurts so painfully but my belief in non-violence is stronger than ever. I don’t think I can continue writing anymore today, I can no longer focus on the pages of this journal.
Although I could fill a novel with my experience today I will close with this. On this final day in Dharamsala, it is my understanding that our work here is a necessity, the education of those denied education in their homeland equals freedom and peace within their souls. Our purpose here has been to share the power of massage, its healing effects and its ultimate pathway to peace. I will leave here knowing that we made a difference in the lives of others.
11.27.09
I can’t believe its Saturday, we’re heading home tomorrow. Of course I’m excited to see my family but it is hard to leave when I know it will be a while before I get back. 2 years, 10 years, I don’t know when I’ll be back but I will be back. I am not done here. I’m sure of only one thing at this point, I’m going to miss it here.
One thing that Ellish at Passport Health told me before coming here is that just because it’s a Tuesday it doesn’t mean that the banks and post office will be open. There is absolutely no schedule here and most days are holidays - seriously, there is always a celebration going on in this culture.
So I was elated when on the way to Lha this afternoon the walk past an ‘open for business’ post office. As everything is an event here, getting stamps and mailing the postcards took about 20 minutes (there was no line). I high tailed it to class but arrived to an empty room. I walked down the hallway only to peer into more empty rooms. Where was everyone?
I heard voices and laughs coming from above; I headed to the roof. I could smell the milk tea from the stairs. I was 
immediately emotional, there was a graduation ceremony going on. Our students, the beautiful people that believed in us, were receiving their certificates of completion. It was very emotional, it was beautiful, it was a ceremony filled with joy and hope.
This is when I knew that we had made an impact.
I mingled, laughed, received gifts of appreciation, took photos, gave hugs and cried. My inner voice just kept reminding that these moments were once in a lifetime and to remember how it felt so that I would never forget.
One student who had just touched my heart from the first day as I shook his hand was Shatkay. I had heard a bit about his story from Gaye and Jack, about his escape from Tibet and his ultimate survival. Throughout the week, 
whenever he saw me he would greet me with a huge smile and hug. There was goodness about him, a goodness I had never seen in another human being.
As he walked over to me today, his smile pierced through the fog, he was visibly moved by his achievement. I said, ‘Shatkay, I’m so proud of you. I’m so happy for you, what a wonderful….’ Before I could finish he put his hands on my shoulders then threw both arms into the air holding his certificate, looking up at the sky, he shouted ‘Best thing in my life Jessica, best thing in my life.’
This is when I knew that we changed lives.
11.21.09
Today started a bit tumultuous with a hike to the temple seen from our hotel. Louise and I set out after coffee with Carol at Lhamos Croissant. We meandered down the hillside behind Him View and in keeping the temple in sight we headed towards our destination. We got a little mixed up and found ourselves on a private veranda with an older woman wondering what the hell we were doing. As I walked straight into a bedroom, I could only assume we had taken a wrong turn. Head towards the school house…the temple is right above it.
Taking an alternative route we crossed a garbage filled stream and towards the school house. This was the first time we had headed down from town and into the valley. We had been staying in town or hiking up into the mountains. And with every different territory we discovered, we found ourselves being followed by a pack of dogs. Normally not a problem but today, we had one who was foaming at the mouth and being extremely protective (territorial) over one of the dogs. A large black dog growling and foaming and right by Louise’s leg - not the most settling of feelings. We couldn’t lose them, no matter what. There was a small white dog in particular who the black dog was being very aggressive towards, I wasn’t quite sure where this was going to lead. I thought ok, this dog is most likely rabid and obviously pissed, again not the most settling of feelings.
The temple, ahhhh, finally maybe the healing spirits of the temple would ward off the aggression of the dogs. I was ahead of Louise at this point and reached the temple. I turned around to see where she was but my eyes were immediately drawn to the black dog who was right behind her. Mouth curled, foaming saliva and showing every one of it’s teeth - I though to myself, ok, don’t let her know that this dog is about to attack, just start…
The screams of the little white dog were haunting, before I could think another thought the black dog was gruesomely attacking the smaller white dog and Louise was right in the middle of it. I told her to walk away and starting throwing these huge rocks by the fight to break it up. I thought for sure we were going to have a dead dog on our hands and a killer eager to kill again. I started screaming at the dogs and throwing the rocks nearby them. It worked, they stopped. All of a sudden the black dog stopped and it was silent.
Before giving him a second to reconsider any sort of re-engagement I told Louise to stay on my heels and we were heading straight up to the road. I mean straight up. She protested a bit, ‘maybe we should back track to the school and the way we came.’ I vetoed that immediately. My thinking was that there were upper Dsala dogs, lower Dsala dogs, road dogs, mountain dogs and valley dogs. If we headed up to the road the dogs would stop and not follow up anymore. Fight or flight were basically the options, I opted for a strong hold on flight without panic.
The pack continued to follow, the little white dog that just got his ass kicked seemed to be alright…tough little dude. We continued straight up, the black dog would not leave Louise’s side and was still growling, foaming and occasionally flashing his chompers. The little white dog was sticking by me. We crested the ledge and there was an Indian woman standing there, I was shaking and my heart beating wildly. ‘The dogs, I don’t like when they fight’. She looked at me compassionately and said in broken English ‘I know, I know but you cannot do anything about it, they are animals and they will work it out, they should not hurt you but you must stay away when they fight’.
As soon as Louise caught up and approached the road the dogs stopped following us, like an invisible boundary they couldn’t go any further. They turned around, we turned around and went our separate ways. Unfortunately, I heard one more attack on the white dog but we had to keep going. They needed to work it out, this was their life and that scrappy little white dog obviously knew what he was getting into. Fights or no fights that was his pack, that was his plan and the valley was his home.
We slowed it down and heading back into town, letting our hands shake out and release the traumatic energy. 
No sooner did we hit town did we see yet another dog fight, it was terrible, one dog was visibly injured. The towns people broke it up and we started to shake again. We headed down temple road and into a very heated argument between 3 Israeli men. They were yelling so loud and were very close to each other. I thought, holy shit, we going to see another freaking fight, this time human.
We looked to the left and saw a beautiful store window filled with gorgeous silk dresses. Looks like a good place for refuge for two stinky traumatized women. The argument subsided out front and $2100 Rupees later I am the proud of a handmade, silk dress and scarf from Eternal Creation. Shopping therapy really does work, I don’t exercise that type of release in the US because everything is so expensive but when you’re dishing out $27 for designer original that is the type of therapy this Gumkowski can afford.
Today of all days, I was feeling tired and quiet when I woke up. I wanted a quiet day without drama and possibly a nap. Instead, I got a triad of fighting, a gorgeous dress and most certainly a new friend in Louise (she is awesome to shop with).
11.12.09
So sore from Yoga today, not sure if I will be able to go tomorrow. I’m not sure if I will be able to go for the rest of my time in Dsala for that matter…just another confirmation that training for triathlons does not necessarily translate to other activities. I basically got my ass handed to me by Yogi Sividas, even with doing all the modifications with the poses I am having a hard time recalling when I have been more sore than I am right this instant.
Moving on…. Every day is a big day here. From sunrise to sunset we are on the go - I don’t want to miss a thing. I gave my massage appointment to Gaye last night since her back was really hurting and I rescheduled for 10am this morning. I had a very leisurely morning at First Cup with the girls; Louise, Carol and Becky. The massage was Aryuvedic, it was quite vigorous and warming. Certainly a bit racy by American standards but strictly therapeutic. He used these intense healing oils and definitely got some stuff moving.
Afterward, I went to pay the balance on my purses and in lieu of the correct change my friend gave me a change purse as a gift. He would not allow me to pay 40 rupees over the cost (less than $1 US). He wanted to be even and not owe me. These people are so giving, trusting and fair. Yesterday when I purchased the gorgeous 
handmade bags I was short, instead of coming back with the money and leaving the purses there he insisted that I take the bags and come back the next day to square up. ‘I trust you’, he said ‘you come back later and pay me, whenever, it’s ok, I trust you’.
This reminded me of a very opposite experience I had at Whole Foods in Boulder. It was about a year ago. After ringing up my groceries (no more than $60) I realized I had forgotten my wallet. My first reaction was to look around, surely someone would help me. Instead of eye contact I notice everyone in line looking down at the ground or up at the sky or out the window…looking anywhere but at me. I know not to expect anything from people but if it was me behind the woman who forgot her wallet I would have paid for her groceries, I would have helped her with no hesitation. Trusting that she would square up with me later. That is just the way I was raised, my mom would have done the same thing. Instead, I stood there embarrassed as I had to ask for everything be put back and my order be cleared out. I walked out of the store with a heavy heart, another strike for humanity and simple kindness in America. I remember calling my husband and was very sad about my experience. 
I can’t believe that not only would no one help me, no one would even look at me. I said ‘I’ve just lost some faith honey, I’ve lost some faith in humanity’.
So as I walked out of the shop today in Dsala with my gifted change purse and the pure energy from the shopkeeper’s endearing embrace I started to weep. Not for any other reason than my restoration of belief and faith in humanity. There is a woman in our group who has been beating vendors down on price, for me, I just want to support them. With gifts averaging $3-$5 US, it doesn’t make sense to me to get a better deal. Not when all they have is their vendor table and a downturn in tourism.
11.09.09
Up early this morning via the brown husky who was trying to get the natives restless but found only frustration and solidarity in his efforts. A smile started the day and as we go on 7 days together I found that alone time is what I need today. I’m at the First Cup across from the nunnery watching the bustle of the day begin. It’s 6:45am and of course the First Cup guys are not ready yet for my order. A pup from the nunnery just came by and nuzzled my arms. He looks like he has a good life.
Today I need to wander a bit there are still many things I would like to see and today I want to go it alone for the most part. Meeting up with Carol, Becky and Louise for yoga at 8am then I would like to take a shower, a hot one would be nice. We just figured out that hot showers were an option. Go figure, everyday leads to many surprises. Twenty more minutes until the coffee will be ready, 
this would never fly in America. Personally, I prefer it.
I’ll be helping Becky with chair massage today while the others visit the Tibetan Childrens Village (TCV). ‘Others before self’ are the words to live by at TCV. The motto, one of many it seems. Others before self…meaning stop bitching when you don’t get your way, stop judging when people don’t pull their weight and stop expecting anything from your service efforts. This concept is one I need to adopt and incorporate into my own life and belief system. I preach self care but not others before self. America is not a service oriented society so in a way taking care of oneself is a necessity. But there must be a middle ground for Americans where they can pull their heads out of their wallets, their eyes away from their plasma televisions, hands off the wheel of their gas guzzler and their hearts out of consumerism. Unfortunately, so many people in our country will never be ale to do any of those things, they just don’t get it. They never will, I feel so sad for them right now.
Fast forward to 12pm - I’m sitting at Moonpeak Espresso waiting for my lemongrass tea and spinach pizza. As I hung out at First Cup this morning Carol and Becky came by - we decided the Llhamo Croissant would be a better option for coffee. It was. Americano with Tibetan toast and homemade jam. Headed to Kailash Yoga for a 2-hr Ashtanga class. The instructor was mellow, sweet and wasn’t intimidating. He’s been practicing yoga for 30 years. He looks very young so a good testament to the health benefits of yoga. The class was pretty challenging, at one point I thought ‘ok, we’ll be wrapping it up any minute’. Then I saw the clock, it was 8:58, oh my 62 minutes to go. Suck it up endurance girl. The second hour went quick and as I sit here now resting my body I feel simply lovely. 
Today was my first hot shower, I couldn’t help but feel a bit of guilt.
In an hour I will give chair massage then teach from 2-5. Louise and I have massages at 6:30. The guy next to me just lit up a camel - this is my only complaint, the allowance of smoking inside and outside.
My tea has arrived and is quite delicious. Pizza should be out in 20 minutes. I will sign off here and just relax until it arrives.
11.04.09
So much we have already experienced. The food, the people, other towns, hiking, teaching, shopping - all main attractions. Now I feel that I am settling into the details. Noticing the results of torture within some of the folks. There is this one guy I keep seeing whose feet are literally on sideways. I wonder if they broke his ankles and that is just the way they healed because he couldn’t walk. I’ve actually seen a few people like that.
Louise and I started teaching yesterday. We have 5 women in our class,we estimate their age at around 20. They are beautiful, eager, very grateful and light hearted. How I wonder? How did they get here?
We have heard a few stories already. One of our girls had an uncle living in Nepal. She got permission from the Chinese government to visit him and then she took off once arriving in Nepal. 
She walked to Dharamsala.Today we are going to ask our girls why they are taking massage class. Jack said that their class is mostly taking this to work on family members. With there being no hospital nearby this is the next best thing for healing. That concept overwhelms me. In lieu, of medical care they will turn to massage for health. I have a skill to share that will change their lives and that concept overwhelms me.
Yesterday morning we met the advanced students. As I shook their hands I looked into their eyes and saw nothing but happiness. How? They have nothing and to American standards this would mean utter despair. I left Lha and stood on the steps outside. With the school children in my view I took a deep breath and digested 
our true purpose to make a difference. I have always believed that if I stay on my path the story of my life would unfold just as it should. If I trusted the moments of unhappiness and struggle, embraced the times of prosperity and wealth that I would end up exactly where I should. For today, that is Dharamsala.
We are heading to the Tibetan Childrens Village at 9am, just hoping my camera charges up. Many photos to be taken today, many memories to be captured.
11.01.09
No surprise that today, our first day of teaching at Lha happens to fall on the International Day of Peace…that’s how this entire trip has been since the day I got wind of it. Nothing has been a coincidence and all of this was meant to be; falling together seamlessly like it was in place the entire time. I woke up this morning and thought..Today is going to be a big day. Today we begin teaching at Lha.
Our plan is to head over at 9am to meet the students. There are going to be 4 classes total split into 2 morning classes for the advanced students (previous massage training) and 2 afternoon classes for the beginners (no previous massage training). There are 2 teachers to each class. I am teaching in the afternoon with Louise who is a Swedish instructor from BCMT. She’s totally cool, diplomatic and direct - good qualities. I think we’ll make a good team. We are working alongside Jack and Gaye who are teaching the second section in the afternoon.
Last night the four of us met to discuss a general approach for the week. We will have 18 hours total, 3 hours each day through Saturday. Our goal is to teach them how to provide a full body Swedish therapeutic massage and show them chair massage on the last day. We brought over a massage chair from BCMT
which is being donated to Lha this morning. We feel that chair massage is a great way for these students to get out into the work force and start making an income immediately.
I’m heading upstairs for breakfast now, Tibetan toast for sure…espresso for sure, maybe the muesli today. So far, the food is outstanding. Tonight Tsering is making us a dinner at the hotel. We thought it could be a great way to meet up with everyone and discuss our first day of teaching.
Pretty fired up, it’s going to be a big day.
10.29.09
Travel has come to an end for now, I woke up this morning in the Vase of Treasure room at 8 Auspicious Him View. After a thorough tour of the town last night I was eager to venture out. Today’s plan was to meet up in the hotel for breakfast then we’d head out for a hike to a waterfall or a hike up to Dharamkot, a neighboring town.
This morning was porridge with banana and honey (aka oatmeal), 2 espressos, 1 ginger lemon honey tea and an order of Tibetan toast with homemade jam. I can already tell, I’ll be missing that jam when I return to the states. Back down to the room to change and head out for the hike. Our hotel sits on a bit of road which is at about a 15% grade, this continues for about a quarter mile then levels out a bit just enough so that you can catch your breath. Good stuff, I am not worried about getting my exercise in, there are plenty of hills (speed work in disguise right?).
First hike found us on the way to Dharamkot, very small town…a tea shop, a meditation retreat and tons of very large crazed monkeys. On our way back down the mountain we stumbled upon the Common Ground Cafe - I think this will become one of our favorite spots. Lunch was delicious - Becky, Carol and I split spice sauteed cabbage, sweet and sour veggies and rice. I had a cup of garden tea which touted medicinal herbs from the earth. It tasted very much like the description. I’m actually starting to wonder how people get sick here, the food is steaming hot and the teas are packed 
with healing properties.
After lunch at Common Ground we decided to loop back through town and head out to Bhagsu to hike the waterfall. Bhagsu is supposedly a ‘hip Israeli town’…ahh, it was cool but it didn’t feel like Dharamsala. I heard before I came here that the air would feel spiritual here, that seems to be an understatement. The waterfall was beautiful however I could see the devastating effects of climate change as the valley wore clear marks of how much larger the rush of water was in the past, today was a small fraction of that. I heard from a few people already about the winters being more mild and the melt off from the higher peaks has dwindled. It seems as though tourism is down and its been a very tough year so far for many.
After a good 8-hour excursion today, I’m back at my room, sitting on the balcony watching 
the sunset over the mountain peaks. We are heading out for dinner in a little while, I’m very hungry, very tired….tomorrow starts our teaching experience. Every second here, I further comprehend my purpose in this town. It’s a huge idea to digest…I am in India right now, I am here to teach massage to Tibetan refugees, I am on the verge of learning about things I never thought I would, I’m going to be immersed in a new community almost 9,000 miles away from my home. For me, there is nothing better than this.